You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize