It's like God shit irony all over that family
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
