The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
