So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
