I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize