I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
