So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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