jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
