And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
