I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
