He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My life is pants optional.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
