I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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