just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
