I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
