And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
