I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
