My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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