so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
