Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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