If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
