I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
