dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
