You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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