Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
