I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I want her autograph on my taint
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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