Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
