So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
