I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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