wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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