she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
