If that was your dad, he is hot
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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