every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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