she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize