we have pet lesbian snakes
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
FUCK WHALES
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
