I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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