The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
