The best revenge is premature balding
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize