my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
