that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
