The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
