Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
