you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
