Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
