i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
