i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
