I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
