Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
