Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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