i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize