What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
