I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
