I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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