Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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