dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
