i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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