I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
