Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
