i wish my penis had a tongue
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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