we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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