he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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