Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
