did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
