hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He? As in you personified your dick?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
