I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
