Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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