my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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