My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How naked do you want me to be?
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