My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
