mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
