Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize