What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
