Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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