i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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