no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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