so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I love you. Go after that dick
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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