I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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