i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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