Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
