i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
