everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
