his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
