i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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