Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize