It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
