Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize