Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
