So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
