don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
