I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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