Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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