Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
