Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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